im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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