3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I have aggressive nipples.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
