She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
