His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
