i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
