I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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