I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
