ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
