wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
