FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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