I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
