I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
