i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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