Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
