On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
