mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
