MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
