They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
YAS. BRING CRAB.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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