those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
