Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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