I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
