I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
