I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
