She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
