Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
false alarm. still invincible.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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