I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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