The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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