I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
