last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
