Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Randomize
