I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
nutella sex= disaster
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
