Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He passed out mid-signature
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
