Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
