Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
