I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
