hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
