I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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