You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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