is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
