I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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