You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Two words: blizzard sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
