Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
