just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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