Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
