Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
