I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
