you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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