Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
