id be glad to
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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