I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
