How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
