I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
