after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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