Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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