He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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